Hey, Jake here…did you all see that “Looking to Make 2011 Your Best Year Ever” headline at the top of this week’s e-newsletter??? How many of you said “”Nah, I think I’d like this year to suck just like last year”??!! If I was a betting dog I’d say not too many of you….. I can’t figure out why Steve even asked the question.
Of course you want 2011 to be your BEST year. So we need to take steps to make sure that happens. I know I will. I’ve decided that I’m going to do whatever it takes to make this year better than last year. First things first – I’m going to approach Steve about letting me eat at the table with the rest of the family. Enough of this pushing a dish around the floor hoping it wedges up against a cupboard so I can get a decent mouthful. Or how about a rubber bottomed bowl – would that even be too much to ask for?? That’s the least he can do if I’m not going to be allowed to dine at the table with the rest of them! And that got me to thinking…….I have a whole list of demands for 2011 that need to met. So since I have the forum and the “in” with Steve’s AWESOME assistant I’m sure we can sneak this in as an article – so here goes!
Demand #1 I’ve decided until the ‘rubber hits the bowl’ I’m not writing another article. I’m holding out for the benefits. I’m pretty sure the union will back me on this one. Why should I perform my duties when none of the benefits I am entitled to seem to be coming my way. Hey, wait a minute – do Dogs even have a union?? Looks like I’ll need to look into that – I’ll let you know.
Demand #2 Get rid of the cats! I shouldn’t have to explain this one any further!
Demand # 3 Please stop hollering at me for dragging my butt across the carpet. I’ve seen you wipe your nose on your shirt sleeve – same thing!
Demand # 4 As a follow up to Demand #3 – Stop hollering at me for every little thing. Throwing up in the car IS funny. If you can’t see that then leave me home. I’m tired of running to the Post Office with you anyway. Besides you leave me in the car no matter where you go so why bother taking me in the first place??!!
Demand # 5 I want to be bathed in your tub. NOT hosed off in the driveway. I don’t care if there is pooped matted in my fur – that is humiliating. Oh, and the wash tub is also unacceptable. I’ve seen what you dump in there.
Demand # 6 Leave the bathroom door open. That garbage can IS my personal cookie jar. I’ve learned not to even bother waiting for you to remember to give me a treat so a dog’s gotta do what a dog’s gotta do!
Ok that should do it for now. I have some research to do on that union thing so I’ll call it quits for now!
See you next time!