Hey, it’s me Jake! No it’s REALLY me this week – See I’ve even included a picture! I just found out that you learned all about me in last week’s article. Apparently there was a short bio and everything. Well I’m here to tell you that article was NOT written by me. Found out Steve was pretending to be me. (It’s amazing what I learn prowling around his office late at night!!) I immediately took issue with the fact that Steve was writing these pieces under the guise of being ME and I decided I better step in and start doing my own talking.
All of the articles I was able to uncover during those late night prowls that were supposedly written by ME – I’m here to tell you were all a total load of crap!! Now Steve’s a pretty smart guy but let’s face it – until he starts crawling around on all fours and doing his business in the yard he doesn’t have a clue about what it’s like being me! All the coaching in the world does not ready one to speak for one dog let alone the entire canine world. I was going to tell you that I put my foot down (actually it was my paw) but I saw he used that line in last week’s article!! I did let him know that if he’s going to feature an article about ME – it needs to be written by ME! He balked a little and then told me to have at it. That being said, I went straight to his AMAZING assistant and from now on these articles will feature things thru the eyes of the one for whom the article is written – MOI!
You found out a little bit about me in the last week’s article – but Steve didn’t go into it too much other than to mention that I am a dog. I believe his exact words were “I’m a dog. That pretty much covers it!” Oh people, there’s so much more to me than that. I am supposed to be his “Best Friend” and yet I’m described as a mere dog – not even TOP Dog! I guess that’s one reference he’s keeping for himself. He didn’t even mention the important role I play in the ‘New School Selling’ picture. Shame on you Steve!
As grateful as I am that Steve rescued me (there’s that word AGAIN!!) I have a few things I’d like to get off my chest before I run with things:
- In one article Steve wrote ‘they think I’m spoiled because they bought me an assortment of toys and let me jump on the furniture and sleep on the bed’. Hey… has ANYONE in that house noticed that I eat off of the floor??!!!
- Charleen, Steve’s wife, nicknamed me Pupcake and his grown daughters, Amy & Caroline wanted to dress me up for Halloween as a pink cupcake. He needs to keep those 3 away from me!
- In another article Steve indicated that I didn’t seem to mind wearing my Santa outfit. Hey Steve – I MINDED (not sure if that’s even a word but his AMAZING assistant can figure that out!). He also mentioned that although I was intrigued by the Christmas tree, I was not so keen on my new Reindeer antlers. First off – I was not intrigued by the tree. It was a tree. I pee on them every day. And for the record the only part of it I could actually see was the bottom of it. As for the reindeer antlers – let’s not even go there!!
Ok, I’ll wrap this up for now. But I’ll be back next week with a few more things for you to ‘chew’ on!
Your New Friend,
Jake